No matter where you go, there you are. That is the current vibe at Wounded Duck Studios. I am somehow everywhere at once: on a golf course, in a rehearsal room, in front of a screen labeled “real estate scams,” and, as always, approximately one taco away from a better mood. The good news is that nothing has exploded. The bad news is that I am still hungry.
Golf: great drives, tragic putts
I played golf this week. I know. I keep doing it. But here is the twist: my drives were actually good. Not “acceptable for a hobbyist” good. Not “at least it stayed in the zip code” good. They were long, straight, and occasionally even impressive. I briefly felt like a real athlete. Then I got to the green and remembered that putting is where hope goes to die.
My putts are basically a Buckaroo Bonzai experiment: they exist in multiple dimensions, none of them the one where the ball goes in the hole. I have missed left, right, short, and, in one humiliating moment, a distance that can only be described as "not enough." The greens were not even that fast. I just have the touch of a duck wearing oven mitts. On the bright side, no woodland creatures were harmed during the round. I consider that a moral victory, even if the scorecard disagreed.
New music with Under The Influence
The band stuff is picking up. I have been putting a lot of time into new music with Under The Influence. That means woodshedding blues covers and trying to build a keyboard patch that sounds enough like a Hammond B3 to fool anyone who is not actually a Hammond B3. We are working on a batch of material that should start showing up in the set over the next few shows.
The creative part is fun. The logistics part is less fun. The “wait, did you send the version with the backing vocals or the version without them?” part is actively cursed. But the songs are coming together. At some point I will stop tweaking the synth patch and just call it done. Probably. Maybe. Do not hold your breath.
Heartbreakers next weekend
I also have an upcoming gig with the Heartbreakers next weekend. We are in that last-week-before-a-show phase where everyone is pretending the set is completely locked while secretly refreshing their charts at 1 AM. I am on keytar duty, which means I get to look like a time traveler from 1986 while also trying to remember which song starts in B and which one starts in B-flat.
The show should be a good one. The band is sounding tight, the set list is solid, and my costume has been upgraded to something that might actually pass for early-era Pat Benatar adjacent. If you are in the area and you enjoy synthesizers, big hair energy, and a duck who can sort of play a keytar, come say hi.
Real estate scams: collecting and posting
I have been spending a lot more time on the real estate scams side of the studio lately. That means collecting information on scams, fake listings, and the shady middlemen who make the rental market feel like a casino, then turning that research into posts for my Real Estate Scams channels on Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, and X. The goal is to get the warnings out where people actually scroll before they wire money to a stranger in another state.
It is important work. It is also the kind of work that makes you slightly paranoid every time you look at a rental ad. I now assume every listing is guilty until proven innocent, which is a terrible way to browse apartments and a pretty good way to avoid fraud. The next batch of videos and posts is in the pipeline, and I am trying to get them out before the fall housing season picks up. Nothing says “trustworthy duck” like a guy in a Hawaiian shirt warning you about wire fraud.
The taco ledger remains unbalanced
I am going to say this plainly, because subtlety has never been my strong suit: I need tacos. Great drives do not fill the stomach. Keytar rehearsals do not fill the stomach. Fighting real estate scams definitely does not fill the stomach. My body is currently operating at a taco deficit that would concern a small nation.
I am not picky. Soft, crunchy, corn, flour, mild, spicy, with or without the little radish slices on the side. If it is wrapped in a tortilla and contains some combination of meat, cheese, and hope, it counts. If you happen to be at the Heartbreakers show next weekend, a taco-related tip is always appreciated. I will remember it during the keytar solo.
What comes next
More practice. More scam content. More golf, despite all evidence that I should just take up knitting. And tacos, ideally before I do anything else. As Buckaroo Bonzai probably did not say but absolutely should have: wherever you go, bring a snack. If you want to keep up with the music, the shows, or the occasional duck-brained take on real estate fraud, check the music section and the videos section. I will be the one in the Hawaiian shirt.